This might not be something you need to read, but it's something I need to share. I've spoken very little about our miscarriage from this past January. In all honesty, it's because for a long while, I was just too happy to go back to a place of grief and lament. After being in the…
Christmas Gifts for Mamas in Grief
As we quickly approach Christmas I find myself thinking of three things, "Thank God he sent us a savior," "boy, do I miss Helen," and "Man, my heart breaks with all the other Loss Mama's this Christmas." Early in our grief, I was fortunate to find an online community, The Joyful Morning, for moms that…
A Million Thank Yous
It's been ten months since that terrible day that changed our lives forever. Ten months since the story of our lives took an unexpected turn. This month has been a difficult one, it's been a year since Helen's story really began. A year ago, we learned of her cleft lip and palate, along with her…
What is there to be thankful for?
Last November, I started an adorable tradition with Anna Beth. I draw a very unimpressive turkey, ok, he looks more like a peanut, and pin him to our wall in the kitchen. Each morning after breakfast, we write down something she's thankful for, or for a toddler, whatever she thinks of at that moment. So…
Train Tickets
“Father sat down on the edge of the narrow bed. "Corrie," he began gently, "when you and I go to Amsterdam-when do I give you your ticket?" I sniffed a few times, considering this. "Why, just before we get on the train." "Exactly. And our wise Father in heaven knows when we're going to need…
Name
“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose By any other name would smell as sweet.” In Romeo and Juliet, Shakespeare leaves us with the question, do names even matter? He urges us to think, that they don't, oh but my sweet innocent flowers, they matter more than we know. Why else would…
Carry me
I cried out "Praise Jesus" as my daughter's still frame lay below me, voiceless. My tired body relaxed with a great force that only comes from immediate physical relief. It's as if my whole being, from head to toe to heart, exhaled. I lay there in the eerie silence praising God because I did…
Mourning
One thing I didn't expect about grief is that my memory is terrible. I woke up this morning and for the life of me couldn't remember what I was planning to do today after lunch. It wasn't until Tim reminded me we had a sitter tonight, in order that I could go to our Women's…
Letters
Time is a strange thing these days. My concept of it is totally different than it used to be. Everyone around me is talking about how long this winter feels. You may think that I feel the same way, but honestly, I don't. It's gone so quickly because I've only been able to live one…
Normal
It's been almost a month since Helen arrived. A month that has felt like a lifetime and yet has passed in the blink of an eye. Today is her due date, one month exactly from the day she died. Thursday, a month from the day we found out, and Friday, one month from her birth.…
The Strength of a Smile 